On the small island of Nantucket, fishermen call it a “Nantucket Sleigh Ride” when a harpoon whale pulls a boat.
Did You Know? Snapple was the first company to post facts on their bottle caps.
In the sleepy town of Nantucket, we like to reduce, reuse and recycle by filling up Snapple bottles that people throw violently into the ocean after tasting the first sip.
Did You Know? The U.S. Patent Office somehow does not see posting facts on bottle caps as a patentable idea.
During Christmastime in Nantucket, nativity scenes are unnecessary because our little homes are always as adorable as any depiction of the manger could be. However, a local actor usually portrays the infanticidal King Herod as drunk on Snapple.
Did you know? Human taste buds cannot taste “Big.” “Big Cranberry” is not a flavor.
In the shining pearl-city of Nantucket, locals love to sit on the pier and have a hearty laugh about the idea that “Madness” could be a flavor. They do the same thing with “Diet.” “Diet” is not a flavor. It is the absence of flavor.
Did you know? If bottle’s safety seal is broken, you’re holding a Nantucket Nectar.
In the little patch of bioequilibrium called Nantucket, poorly behaved children recieve a “Snapple” on Christmas, Halloween and a special holiday called “Poorly Behaved Children Recieve Snapple Day.”
Did you know? 30% of the english language is made up of compound nouns. Some examples: cigarette butt, World War, Nantucket Nectars, car crash, nuclear armament, Nantucket Nectars, attempted arson, Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, Nantucket Nectars, sudden death.
Nantucket has amongst the lowest amounts of crime, illiteracy and pollution in the nation. Nantucket locals often wonder if there is some causal connection between those rates and the island’s prohibition of Snapple beverages.
Did you know? The divorce rate in the brine-trough known as Nantucket — 60 percent — is among our nation’s highest, and 90 percent percent of the kids think it’s their fault. In fact it’s 100 percent the fault of the Nectars.
In Nantucket, locals weep when they find schools of dead fish floating on the surface, fish who were just in the wrong place at the wrong time when a tourist emptied their Snapple into the bay.
In nantucket, locals call a triple murder-suicide a “snapple”.
Did you know? When glass shards from Nantucket Nectar’s cheap bottles inevitably cut one’s skin, the scar will never heal, and it smells like a bog! Meanwhile, wounds left by the glass of Snapple bottles heal instantly with a raspberry aftertaste.
Did you know? Nantucket Nectars is a multimillion-dollar company, not two “juice guys” on a shaky raft, whatever that dubious term means.
The citizens of Nantucket would like to say: that’s too far. We’re definitely juice guys.
Did you know? The Dr Pepper Snapple Group just bought Nantucket Nectars.
In the cove settlement of Nantucket, Snapple overcomes. Snapple endures. Fit ex materia Snapple terra optima.
Did you know? The CEO of Snapple gave Nantucket Nectars to his son to test out some ideas he learned at business school on it. [His name is not Tom. /Tom and Tom are very sad.]
In nantucket, the official town beverage is Snapple. Why, what would you think it is?
Did You know? The countless planes blotting out the sun aren’t just there to trail behind snappple banners, they also spy on insurgents’ yachts/fishing boats.
In the sweet-little-kiss-on-the-Earth’s-cheek called Nantucket, not all are possessed by the Madness. Some still fight. Pass this cap on to those who still have a glint of humanity in their eyes.
Caps juiced by Brine Bennett
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